And the father is
by Limited-Fantasy
Summary: A year after a very ill-advised party night, the Avengers find themselves babysitting a Loki's new son...and one of them is the father, but who? Told mainly from Steve Roger's POV. Crackfill for a norsekink prompt.
1. Chapter 1

Steve had no recollection of what happened the night before, but quite frankly, he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.

Waking up, he'd found himself naked except for a single sock, drooling on one of those fancy foreign pillows in the mansion's living room. He managed to roll himself around and caught an eyeful of Thor's peanut butter-smeared-

Steve quickly rolled the other way. Not that it made it any better since then he was presented with the sight of passed out Clint with Thor's helmet, Tony right under the archer, and...was that Bruce? When had he come in and why was the room still standing?

"Stop moving around," commanded a voice by his thigh. Steve flinched in alarm as he looked down to see a mess of red curls and a hand creep up his leg. He blushed, as if the sights of all his male teammates in various states of nakedness was nothing compared to seeing the Black Widow's face so close to his privates. And she wasn't even moving away!

Alright, maybe he kind of wanted to know why Natasha was fondling to his leg, but otherwise, Steve was pretty sure he didn't want to know.

He was also equally sure that he should be as far away from the living room as possible the moment all the guys woke up, especially Bruce. If the amounts of cans and bottles littering the ruins of expensive furniture was any indication, they were all due for some very unpleasant hangovers.

Much later, after Tony had Pepper call a few people to reconstruct half the mansion, order some new furniture, and call in Betty Ross to calm Bruce down, Steve and the rest of the Avengers found themselves in the kitchen.

He was pretty sure none of them wanted to be there, but Clint, while hunting down another icepack for his back, had found a clue about what happened the previous night.

The said clue, nearly sent Bruce into another Hulk fit. It also sent Tony into a rage, which in turn set Thor off since Loki might be one of the most horrible supervillains around, but he was still Thor's brother.

Steve sighed and looked at the note again while trying to ignore the awkward tension he and Natasha seemed to be creating. Clint was still there, rooting around for an icepack.

All of that had happened a year ago and now all of them were standing rather awkwardly in a really nice penthouse, staring at Loki with a dark-haired, green-eyed baby in his arms.


	2. In which the heroes become babysitters

The Avengers weren't supposed to be there. Hell, they probably weren't supposed to ever discover where Loki's real hideout was, but there they were.

About five hours ago, they'd been chasing after HYDRA and had almost even caught them when Thor suddenly spotted Loki.

Between a terrorist organisation and a villainous god with magical powers, the team wasn't exactly sure who to go after. In the end, Thor chased after Loki while the rest of them went after HYDRA.

Even without Thor and Mjolnir, Baron Strucker's forces were no match and dispatched relatively quickly. By quickly, it meant two hours worth of chasing and brawling and then three hours of clean up.

And so, by the time Thor finally called in, the Avengers had almost forgotten that Loki was on the loose.

Forgetting their fatigue, the heroes instantly went to Thor's coordinates and found themselves busting in through some really nice doors to a Manhattan Penthouse, ready to beat some divine butt when they heard a small squeal.

And that squeal happened to come from the tiny little baby in a glaring Loki's arms, which all of them were currently staring at while Thor slowly made his way around the couch where Loki was seated to greet his friends jovially.

"My friends! I have been made an uncle once more!" The way the god beamed at them all finally prompted a reaction from them in varying types of excitement.

Tony's faceplate went up as he gaped. Clint nearly dropped his bow. The Hulk looked confused, but angry. The Black Widow returned Thor's smile warily.

And last but not least, Steve went up to Thor and held out a hand with a ready smile.

"Congrat—" He couldn't even finish as he was suddenly drawn into a bone-crushing hug.

When Thor finally released him, Steve did the thing he thought was most polite and moved over to a glaring Loki and extended his hand.

"And congratulations on the baby. Whose the mother?" Loki eyed Steve's hand as if it hid some explosive and then looked back up with an unsettling glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

"I am." Steve's ready smile faded as he processed what Loki just told him.

"What? You're kidding, right? Thor, tell me he's just fucking-"

"Well, fucking does sometimes yield such results, Barton." The bow clattered to the floor.

"...Thor? Is your brother serious?" Natasha asked.

"Aye, why would he not be? Did I not tell you that I have several other nephews and nieces?"

"...I need a drink." Steve suddenly wished he could get drunk along with Tony because really, after a long day's work, finding out that a god could get pregnant was just a little too much.

"Oh no you don't, gentlemen. Aren't you curious why Thor brought you all here?" Steve took a step back from Loki when he saw the predatory gleam in his eyes. Belatedly, he wondered if he should take the baby from Loki as well.

"Err..."

"One of you idiots is the father."

"Well, I guess that rules Bruce and me out," Natasha finally said, breaking the very awkward silence in the room.

Loki took his eyes off the gathering of shell-shocked men to look at her and smiled. It was not a very nice smile at all.

"Actually, it hasn't been unheard of for me to get pregnant from bedding a Midgardian woman." Everyone's jaw dropped except for Thor who looked confused. The Hulk suddenly looked less and less green.

"But brother...how is-"

"Never you mind. But since you are all here, why not spend some quality time with your potential son? I have pressing matters to attend." Steve suddenly found himself suddenly holding the small child, which he swear was glaring just like Loki.

The Avengers turned collectively as Loki made his way toward the exit and gaped.

"Wait, brother! Where are you going?"

"Off to Victor's of course. I'd rather not let him near my child. He hates it when he isn't the centre of attention..." And with that, the god disappeared.

"You know, I'm pretty sure we just got guilted into babysitting," Bruce observed while he hitched up his oversized shorts.

Tony muttered something and went straight to Loki's cupboards, hunting for alcohol. Clint and Natasha joined him.

Steve, unsure of what to do, took a seat on the couch. Thor joined him shortly and began cooing at his nephew, who just kept glaring at them both. Really, who knew that babies could glare at such a young age?


	3. In which everyone has booze but Steve

"You know, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced Loki was just messing with us. I mean, the kid doesn't even look like us!" Clint grumbled after another gulp of what looked like really expensive wine.

Steve sighed as he burped the baby after setting aside the strange mixture Thor claimed to be healthy for the child (mead and...milk?). He'd wanted to hand the baby to one of his friends, but then he realised Loki probably gave him the kid for a reason: he was probably the only one out of the Avengers who might not harm the kid accidentally.

"Aye, but my brother did not conceive this child alone. I sense that it is half-Midgardian." Normally, one of them would question Thor about such a claim, but at present, everyone had been drinking their fill (except Steve, who had baby duty) and no one was inclined to think too hard about Loki and his fertility.

"But couldn't it be someone else besides us? I mean, no offense Thor, but I'm pretty sure your brother gets around." Clint made a coughing noise that sounded suspiciously like "Doom" while Thor glared at an unrepentant Tony. In the corner where he was trying to meditate, Bruce stifled a chuckle.

"This child's birth coincides with when we last saw my brother...intimately." This made all present choke and Steve winced in sympathy with the wine-stained carpet.

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about Thor?" Clint rasped as Natasha patted him on the back and stole the wine.

The look on Thor's face looked eerily like Loki when the trickster was trying to explain something to his brother.

"...do you not recall our evening of revelry where Loki came in and offered us the most potent drink of Asgard?" Seeing all their blank faces, Thor frowned, looking very disappointed with them all.

"...wait, I think I remember something. Do you mean the night where all of us blacked out and woke up nude?" Steve asked. While some of the Avengers might not recall everytime they blacked out, it had been the first time something was strong enough to give even Steve a hangover post-Super Soldier Serum.

Thor beamed at him while the rest of the team groaned. The baby made a gurgling noise as Steve resumed rocking him. As he looked at the baby that was no longer glaring, he suddenly realised something:

"Thor, what's the baby's name?" In all the confusion, no one had asked.

"Loki did not tell me."


	4. In which there is much speculation

It had grown dark outside and was close to ten in the evening, but there was still no sign of Loki. Out of spite, Tony had rifled Loki's drawers for something decent to wear and changed out of his Iron Man suit. He looked a little ridiculous with the rolled up sleeves and pants, but Steve couldn't blame him: apparently no one could leave the penthouse at all.

All of them were gathered around the baby in the bassinet they located, giving the poor child very assessing gazes as they tossed about ideas.

"You know, he isn't blonde, so I think we can rule out Steve and Clint."

"I don't think so. The blonde colouring in hair is due to a recessive allele and unless Loki had blonde ancestors in the past, it would be highly unlikely for this child to—"

"You speak in riddles, Bruce Banner."

"What he's saying, big guy, is that just because one parent has blonde hair doesn't mean the kid will have blonde hair."

"What about green eyes, then, Dr. Banner?"

"Clearly also inherited from the father—"

"Wait, didn't Thor tell us Loki was some ice giant or something? You know, blue, cold, and red eyes."

"Aye, my brother is a frost giant. His eyes are naturally red."

"Alright, then who here has green eyes?"

"...you know, Loki could have put a spell to disguise the baby's real features and colouring."

"Damn it, Natasha! You're not helping!"

"And I'm not sure if Loki follows the laws of human genetics, Bruce."

"That might be true, Tony, but would he completely suppress the traits of the other parent?"

"It is not unheard of for my brother to birth beings very unlike both parents. I do have nephews that are beast-like in form."

"Oh fuck it, I don't think we're going to figure this out by staring at the kid. He just looks like a mini-Loki to me right now."

"Language, Tony! You don't want the baby to learn words like that!"

"Steve, the baby is probably only three months old. I don't think he can learn words that quickly."

"Aye, but my brother was speaking already by his second month. It would not surprise me if my nephew has similar brilliance. He seems to understand us quite well."

"I don't call 'glaring' exactly understanding, Thor."

"...so who is up for some cocktails? I've got a feeling that we'll be here all night."

"But what about the baby?"

"That's what you're here for, Steve. You can't get drunk."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure we disproved that over a year ago."

"Yeah well, I don't know how to make Asgardian booze, so I'm pretty sure you're safe."

"Aye and my nephew will need feeding soon. Do we have any more mead?"

"Thor, are you sure we should be feeding your nephew alcohol?"

"Milk and mead is what we are raised with!"

"But he isn't an Asgardian..."

"Did he react unfavourably when we fed him earlier, Steve Rogers?"

"...no...but..."

"Then that settles it! Tony, procure me the mead and milk!"


	5. In which glass is broken and Steve Reads

A/N: The book mentioned is a real book. Look it up on Amazon. XD

The baby was sleeping in Loki's room soundly and Steve ended up being the first watch as the others broke out the glasses and multicoloured bottles of alcohol. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know why Loki had a bar's worth of alcohol in his house.

Steve sighed and picked up a novel from Loki's personal shelf. It was weird, really. He didn't think Loki was the type to read mortal books, especially not ones with horrible covers and titles like _A Fated Faerie Forever_. Based off the summary on the back of what looked like to be one of those novels he saw young girls with once in awhile, it was some Scottish romance novel.

Normally, he wouldn't read stuff like that, but he was curious to see why someone like Loki would read such a thing. Loki didn't seem like the type that liked romance.

About five minutes later, Steve's face grew very, very red.

Staffs, members, and one-eyed worms...where did people come up with such words to describe intimate parts? And why did all the Scotsmen use modern slang that he only just got the hang of? But most importantly of all: why did Loki have a book like that on his shelf? His brain hurt. But despite it all, he continued reading.

He'd just gotten to the part where the female main character's hair was described as being every shade of brown in the rainbow (which just confused him even more) when he heard glass shattering from the dining room.

"ANOTHER!" Thor boomed.

"Whoa there, big guy, didn't you swear off breaking stuff everytime you wanted something?"

"AYE, BUT THESE ARE THE GOBLETS OF MY BROTHER! SURELY HE CAN REPLACE THEM WITH EASE!"

"...you know what? I think so, too."

More glasses followed, making Steve wince. He glanced over to the baby and saw him frown in his sleep. That wasn't a good sign.

Getting up, he walked out to the kitchen where several plates had joined the glasses and frowned.

"Guys! Can you keep it down? You're going to wake—"

"Hey, Steve, what are you holding?" Steve froze as Clint's question drew everyone's attention to the novel in his hand and blushed.

"Uh..."

"Oooh, is it one of Loki's? Give it over, I've always wondered what he read besides handbooks on villainy and spellbooks." Tony stumbled over and pulled at the book. Steve held it tightly and tried to tug it away.

"No, you really don't want to—"

"Oh! It's embarrassing, too? Hand it over!"

"No! Tony, stop it—"

"A little help here?"

Eventually Clint and Natasha came over as well and after a minor struggle and a few ripped pages, the book was in Tony's hands. Steve buried his face in his hands and counted the seconds before the inevitable happened.

"...Faerie Fated Forever?"

"That does not look like one of our books about the Fae in Asgard..."

"I think it's a romance, look at the hand-holding."

"Really? Loki is into chick books?"

A silence fell as the drunken Avengers gathered even closer around the book as Tony turned a page.

A few minutes later, Tony, Clint, Natasha were leaning against the counter, knocking over a few more bottles of expensive glasswear and wine as they laughed. Even Thor, after Tony explained to him what "staff" and "member" meant in the story, was chuckling.

Bruce was looking greener than ever and went over to where Steve was standing to try to calm down.

While they laughed and avoided kneeling or sitting on glass, Steve heard sounds from the bedroom. Sounds of crying. He felt a little guilty that he was relieved that the baby was crying, but really, any excuse to get him away from his teammates who were starting to read lines out dramatically, was a blessing. Bruce followed him, his face showing that he felt very much the same.

When they reached the room and switched on the light, Steve stopped abruptly, causing Bruce to run into him.

"Oh sorry, Steve, what—"

Steve slowly looked from the bawling green child to a white-faced Bruce and then back with wide, wide eyes.

A moment later, Bruce fainted.


	6. In which Loki reappears

Steve hadn't the slightest idea how to calm a baby down. He never really touched one apart from when they posed with him for photos back in the old days. To make things worse, this green baby inherited the Hulk's strength and nearly broke his hand when he tried to pick him up.

So, looking from the crying baby to his passed out father, Steve decided it might be best to go out and drag the others in for reinforcement.

The said reinforcement, though, when he ventured back out to the kitchen, consisted of two very drunk men and a woman, and a very drunk thunder god who had started to compose a ballad about that Faerie novel. Steve wanted to scream.

"By Odin, what did you fools do? And is my brother reciting Midgardian poetry?" Steve turned around at Loki's voice and didn't even think of the possible repercussions as he swept the trickster into a bone-crushing hug. He never thought he'd see the day where he would actually be glad of Loki's presence.

"You know, if you want a repeat performance of what happened last year, Rogers, we'll have to retire to a glass-free portion of my home." Steve blushed and let go quickly.

Steve watched as Loki smoothed his sharp black suit leisurely, as if he didn't hear his child's wailing over the horrible song about rainbow-spectrum brown hair and one-eyed wonder worms currently being performed in the kitchen. There was a small, amused smile on his face when he looked back up and Steve wasn't sure if he liked that anymore than the whole situation, really.

"Really, Rogers? You gave my brother A Faerie Fated Forever? I was hoping you'd give him The Very Virile Viking instead, it would've been more fitting, don't you think?"

Steve decided not to answer because he honestly did NOT want to know what A Very Virile Viking was and why Loki even had those books on his personal bookshelf. Instead, he tried to draw Loki's attention to the bedroom.

"Erm, your son is crying and Bruce—"

"Oh? My, it must be your fool friend and my brother's doing. Do be a dear, Rogers, and try to stop them from destroying my home. I'll go and tend to my son."

"Er...and Bruce?"

"Who?"

"...the Hulk?"

"Oh, is he in there as well? No wonder my baby boy is crying so!" Before Steve could explain any further, Loki rushed off, leaving Steve alone in the hall with his very drunk teammates. Sometimes he really hated the side effects of the Supersoldier Serum because getting drunk would probably make the rest of his evening a whole lot easier to stomach.


	7. In which the baby's name is revealed

A/N Last part! Thanks for sticking with me!

xxx

"Betty is going to kill me," was the first thing Bruce said once he was by Steve's side on the hangover-less side of the living room.

Opposite of them was the rest of the team. Tony glared at the mug of black coffee it was the cause for his headache. Natasha wore sunglasses to hide the fact that she was out cold as she sat on the couch. Thor frowned at the floor, blinking every once in awhile as a storm brewed outside of the apartment.

Clint was retching in the bathroom for the second time. The first time, it had been because of all the alcohol he drank, but that second time was because of Loki's casual question, "Morning sickness, Hawkeye?"

Speaking of Loki, he was sitting on the other side of Bruce, looking completely unconcerned with the state of his apartment and the less than stellar appearances of the Mighty Avengers while holding his cooing son (who apparently only liked Loki).

"You should be honoured to have fathered such a strong son." There was a hint of reproach in Loki's voice as he glanced over at Bruce.

Steve patted Bruce's back consolingly when Bruce buried his face in his hands and groaned.

"...so Loki, did you plan to have Bruce's kid or did it just sort of happen?" Clint asked as he exited the bathroom.

"It could have been any one of yours, to be honest. It just happened that the Hulk was the most enthusiastic out of you all." That sent the mighty archer running back to the bathroom and Tony spitting out the coffee he'd just attempted to sip.

Steve wasn't sure how to feel and glanced over at Thor who looked insulted. Steve looked away quickly, deciding he did _not_ want to think about just _why_ Thor would look so hurt.

"...wait, you had...? How...?" Bruce looked up suddenly, curious. Apparently, he'd thought Loki had somehow stopped him from shifting to the Hulk before... Steve blushed at the thought.

"I am a shapeshifter—"

"And a frost giant," Thor added helpfully. Loki shot his brother a nasty look that promised a grisly future for the Thor, and hopefully only Thor (Steve felt guilty for hoping that, but really, he was tired of getting in the middle of all the godly and deadly sibling squabbles).

"Er, maybe we should go when Clint comes back out..." Steve suggested, breaking the awkward silence.

"Great idea, Steve. Actually, how about we leave now? I have meetings to attend and the rest of us have paperwork." Steve looked up, raising his eyebrows in disbelief at Tony's suggestion. He'd never seen Tony so eager to get back to _work_.

"You wish to leave here without cleaning up the mess you made of my home, Stark?" Loki asked with a smirk. Ah, so that was why Tony was so eager to leave.

"Well...couldn't you just...you know..." Tony waved his hand vaguely to indicate magic. Steve watched uneasily as Loki proceeded to start a staring contest with Tony. It was not turning out to be a very good morning for anyone.

"Err...how about I just pay you for the damages?" Tony finally offered. Loki smirked.

"Oh, I already forwarded the bill to Ms. Potts, but there is still the little matter of cleaning up my kitchen. You can keep my pants and shirt if you like for your trouble." His smirk grew into an evil grin. Tony looked ready to cry.

And so, it was another three hours before the kitchen was spotless before Loki finally released the spell from his doorway and ushered them out.

Tony, Clint, and Natasha bolted out the moment the doors let them while Steve finished organising the magazines on the rack. As he did, he heard Bruce ask quietly if he would have to provide for the baby and if Loki could do him a certain "favour." Steve really didn't want to hear it, but his hearing was better than most men because of the serum and he blushed furiously, knocking over the rack in the process.

"I could arrange that, yes. But you owe me and little Ross here." Loki handed the boy to Bruce, who cradled his son awkwardly in his arms.

"Wait, you named him Ross?"

"Just to vex you."

Thor chuckled and slapped Loki on the back and beamed at Bruce and his nephew.

"A strange name, but fitting. By the way, Loki, would you happen to have another copy of that book from last night?"

"The faerie one?"

"Aye! It is a most excellent book, brother! Do you happen to have it in spoken word as well for I would love to discover of Laird Nial does unite with Lady Heather in the end."

"Oh, that was Victor's. I prefer the Viking ones—"

"There are Viking tales of similar quality?"

"Yes. Do you want it?"

"Verily!"

Steve chose that moment to finally leave, not wanting to hear anymore about faeries, Vikings, or magical sexual favours. If anyone deserved a day off, it was him.


End file.
